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Hell Points at Home — Summoned Demons Review Tasteless Movies on DVD



Doomsday (2008)

Summary: Rhona Mitra "stars" in this mash of Mad Max, Resident Evil, and Hairspray.
Warnings: "R" for ruining a Bentley; Malcolm McDowell; bad guy is named "Kane" - again
Hell Points: 6/10 as per the Demonshrine "adjusted for budget" rules.

Rhona Mitra spent several months training to be a low-budget stand-in for Kate Beckinsale and Milla Jovovich. It works, if only because she looks like she slipped steroids into the mix. To be fair to Doomsday, the hackneyed plot and "interesting" conceit of Judge Dredd meets Thunderdome meets First Knight are not its downfall, which is astonishing. No, the downfall came from everything else that sucked.

Pop-out video eye socket? Cool by the demon audience; Apple is probably drafting blueprints for the iEye to join the iPod and iPhone product line.

There the fun stops. Stupidity with vehicles, this kills a movie that has a target audience of virginal adult men who can't fit into any of the 500 exotic vehicles they know on sight. Demons, we mean, not men. Thus when the "twin V-12" (last of the intercep... err, tanks) are described — by the movie — as being capable of taking 30mm rounds, no problemo. Demons like tanks. Demons like 30mm gatling guns, too. Double the Hell Points!

That said tanks are destroyed in seconds by a few punks with Molotov cocktails and assorted clubs? That a crossbow bolt finds easy access to a driver's throat through what you might hope would be more durable glass. Where did those Hell Points go? The demons want them back.

No wonder they were the last two tanks in the UK, the rest were surely obliterated by a migrating flock of butterflies in the great fluttering of 2031. And because this was not enough, add to the dumb vehicles department a "new" Bentley Continental GT that comes charging out of storage. So far, so good. Not butterflies, no Molotov cocktails, let's go Bond! Demons like Bentleys. But not Bentleys that are repeatedly overtaken by the Mad Max Re-enactment Society's (Kane!) customized trash vehicles.

Make it stop! The demons are gnashing their teeth! Why?! The audience wanted to believe. But it was not to be.

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